weekend blues

Has been quite long since i last blogged.. I try to refrain myself from complaining... so whenever i feel stressed, sad and down, I just try to pull myself up again and again and put up a tough front in front of ppl.. but this time I tried but i failed. I need to express it out. Being alone in room during weekend makes things worse. I choose to sleep 16hrs per day. I dun feel happy I feel very stressed I feel terrible I feel I m all alone. 5 more months, the stress is killing me. People around me even my loved ones will just say, you are chronic, find your own way to solve the problem, noone can help u, accept ur condition now, nothing can be changed.

Recently a professor of mine Prof C said , the most stressful exam in his medical life is MBBS even though since then he has been taking lots of postgraduate exams but all those dun really matter.. because without that MBBS, all ur years of hard work & precious time boils down to NOTHING...u will just be a SPM graduate.. On the other hand, even if u fail ur MRCP or Master.. so wat? u are still a DOCTOR, you will still have a stable job and comfortable salary.

I am telling myself repeatedly again and again, practically every morning before i leave to class.. to just study myself, regardless whether how pathetic i m, how lonely i feel, how stressful i feel... I just need to wipe off the tears, remind myself of happy moments in my life.. and move on continue to study... it is definitely easier to say than do. I wish I m cold blooded like I used to be during school time..those time emotions can never affect me.

Sunday night... I wish tml is still a sunday... so that i can rest for one more day.. i still feel extremely tired...

May God hear my sorrow and guide and protect me...

Yenny