Think positive....

Today finally we went back again to the slum..for a dental programme and health talk for the kids and distributing the used clothes..Thanks to all the members and the lecturers esp..Dr Annama, Dr Sateesh and Dr Vasudha who are willing to spend their precious time to help us out..THings went on well til the final part whereby the ppl there became a bit out of control when we started giving out clothes... chaos...ANyway.. we learnt a lesson from this first project and the juniors might benefit from it for their next project..Hope Huluran KAsih organisation wil prevail in MMMC...
Sunday night again...so fast... Yesterday called home....managed to talk to mum and bro..and just now talked to my dear awhile... My life is just so blissful and comfortable...nothing for me to worry... I should be grateful.. After seeing many kids who are ill, some came with nephrotic syndrome, some babies with thalassemia who required life long blood tranfusion, I resented myself to not living my life to the fullest and wasting time doubting myself and get anxious over some illlogical stuff... Recently saw a baby, grossly pale and looked limped, came in with only 2% Hb due to undiagnosed Thallasemia..all this while the mother thought the baby is fair.. after first blood tranfusion , the baby's condition improves so much..so energetic and cheerful, keep laughing , and we had a wonderful time playing with her...Hope the baby be strong enough to face many more challenges in her life ...sometimes I wil be thinking, why must god punish these babies who did not do anything wrong at all in their life... though i know everything that happens has reasons behind it.. At this moment of life, I have it all ..good health, wonderful family and loving & understanding bf.. but life is just too good til sometimes I feel so scared that all this wil be taken away from me one day due to my mistakes..mistakes that i wil never ever do in my sound mind... I am scared of dissapointing my parents...i m scared of losing him.. Til now, I still haven got the courage to say "Thank you" to Mum and Dad...I wil.. one day...
I wil be more confident of myself...have faith and trust myself...think positive always.. Be optimistic!

Posting in Udupi...

Time flies..so fast I am coming to the mid of my 3rd posting(OBG and Paed in udupi)..3 more months left in india..the first week spent in PAed ward in Udupi hospital was really fun..got to talk and play with the kids..the 3 musketeers...came to know bout a famous Cricket player.."Doni" from the elder boy..he got so excited when we asked him bout cricket..haa... His mother even wrote for me my name in KAnnada...so nice of her...:-) tml my group wil switch from paed ward to OPD..
My dear must be studying hard now for his paed exam tml... All the best to u darling!

price to pay...

上了大学才知道，真心对一个人好不一定有回报，而你忽略的人往往有可能是最重视你的。
上了大学才知道，一个人要自己对自己好，因为真正关心你的人很少，有了事他们也不一定会在你身边。所以要自己照顾自己。
上了大学才知道，不要心情不好的时候对周围人发脾气，渴望他们谅解你，人家不是你的父母，现在你可以明白父母对自己多么重要。
上了大学才知道，太在乎别人了往往会伤害自己 。
上了大学才知道，原来上课，吃饭，上自习常常得自己一个人。

Came across a fren's blog recently and saw those sentences above..very much agree with it...prob those are lessons in life that we must learnt...a price to pay for growing up..

tonight attended our last chinese orientation in manipal organized by the juniors..they did a good job..rather lost recently..

childhood memories...

Today is the last day of the introduction session.. Tml my group wil be starting the first posting in Karkala..Paediatrics and OBG.. we heard from seniors that having toys might help to make the children happy..haaha..so just now me and another 2 frens went around Udupi after class to look for toys! too bad.. we had to walk into few shops only managed to get the ones that we feel are suitable and safe for kids and can produce sounds..haa...above green block is the one i bought finally..

And today, i also got something else for myself and ppl i love...this SMILEY is the toy the shop assistant in the first shop showed us..it is soft enough but too bad cant produce sounds, so cant attract child's attention..Anyway, 3 of us ended up buying it too for ourselves coz it is so cute...

This SMILEY is for my beloved dad & mum, sis & bro ( kambate in ur pmr!!), all my relatives & frens...and of course not to be forgotten my dear..:-)..Hope all of u stay happy always!!

A new beginning..

Finally comes saturday night..it has been a week since i started the clinical phase here in manipal..basically this whole week we are just being introduced to the subjects..proper clinical teachings wil start next week probably.. my group wil start with OBG and Paed.. quite a routine schedule everyday, guess it gonna be like this for our remaining 6 months in india... one hour lecture every morning at 8, then we wil be sent to respective hospital , either in Udupi( 15 min away) or Karkala( 45 min away) by college bus for morning and afternoon classes/clinics til 5...my dear said is like school children, bus sends and picks us up everyday..hehe..at least we dun have to worry bout transport.. :-) So far, met some really good and dedicated teachers..Now, i really need to start studying dy, cannot stay in the holiday mood anymore..haa! pray for assistance ..for me being able to study smoothly... All the best to all my batchmates in this clinical phase!

lost..

COuldn't study..since yesterday couldnt even force myself to finish reading a single question...hate it! just waiting the time to eat and finally chose sleep to forget everything temporatily.. my mind is not at peace, it is in a turmoil ..in a sea of emotion, full of hatred..anger..sadness...get irritated ..towards books.. my room..internet(which is of no use sometimes).... just wanna get out of the room and run run and run elsewhere..but nowhere to go..feel so lost without companion..of course frens have their own priorities.. i want myself back, want to be a person who dun scared of loneliness, a person who dun need other's ppl company, a person who can just spend her time on her own...courage!!

to those who care...

tonight was a bad nite...hp run out of credit...mind wandering..couldnt study..nothing go in..but time is ticking away very fast... outside was raining heavily , has been raining nonstop for the past few days, that's also how my feeling and emotion has been recently... He just told me i have to overcome this myself..prob he is right..noone can help me... i wont complain anything anymore...just accept watever consequences that wil happen..gulping everything down ...dun feel guilty ..and dun have to make any explanation to anyone...dun fear of anything..
thanks YW again...i knew i have been disturbing her too much lately..guess very few wil willing to spend their precious time during the study break listening to their fren.. during your time of needs only u wil realise who are those frens who really care...and to YL n LY( met her today , had a short nice chat)..thanks to veno for the help... may god bless all those kind souls...

thank u ..

Life wasnt so smooth sailing lately...everything doesnt seem to be falling in place...everything seems to be so harsh on me ..life full with anxiety and life has gone haywire... & my dear suffers because of me ...without fail he listens to me everyday...offering advices..jokes to make me happy...u have done a lot for me dear...
uni uni uni... 10 more days to go..dunno how my weak soul going to go thru this..so much more to cover and MEMORIZE!!.. could just seek for assistance from god, support from beloved mum and dad and my dear...without them i would have given up ..my body and mind would have given way..but for all my loved ones, i wil persevere...

end of trip...

tonight my dear wil spend the last night of his trip in the airport ...to catch tml early morning flight back to moscow......hopefully i wil be able to contact him soon...:-) ..today has entered the 3rd day of study break..the stress slowly building up... the library is now full with my batchmates...all of us wil be having the same routine life in these3 weeks...breakfast-study-lunch-study-dinner-study-sleep..pathetic!!! deep in the heart, i hope all these end fast.... i just wanna pass and go home.....how i wish passing uni is as easy as passing spm/A-level.. haih..all these wil just remain a dream... seniors said 2nd year supposed to be less stressful compared to 1st year..but somehow i dun feel so, i feel i m coping with the stress of uni better in first year... HUh!! anyway wil tyr my best to cope with it now..god bless...dear come back faster...

end=beginning...

Today..this evening, i finished my patho practical paper..which means block 4 exam has come to the end..which also indicates the beginning of the most gruesome month of the year.."study break" starting tomorrow..this year we have 22 days in contrast to first year whereby we have 21 days for "study break"(wat an irony!! study can never be equal to break!!)..which wil eventually lead to uni..i m very sure the day wil arrive very fast without us realising it..
guess now my dear should be in Amsterdam already..few more days to go b4 we are reunited again...just now spend some time chatting with few of my worthy and true frens who really care for me..thanks YW and J for listening to my probs and help me to analyse my prob and try their best to help me.. thanks god for sending them to me...
gonna sleep dy...last day of rest tonight..god bless

separation...

finally, the day i dreaded most arrrived somehow... i thought i could handle it well..but today proved that i m completely wrong.. i m weak as usual ...prob the exam stress make it even worse.. he is away from me completely now.. phsycically.. but i miss him so much .. i stil hope for miracles somehow...I guess i have become very much emotionally dependent on him..
Hope tml wil be a better day.. God, pls stop me from thinking nonsense and worrying unnecessarily, and bless me with a clear mind to study...

1st day...

Now, my dear is on the train to Moscow..starting his first-ever backpacking journey.. leaving at about 5 pm just now....19 hrs journey..huh..the longest we took during our north india trip was just 14 hrs... ..hope u have a memorable trip dear...:-) miss u...

missing u...

Tonight came back earlier from library than usual...it wil be the last night i wil be seeing my dear..then have to wait 20 days later...the feeling is not right..mixed feeling..though i m supposed actually be mentally prepared for it..but when the day arrives, somehow...stil feel sad...this time wil be the first time we wil be totally lost contact..no phone..no sms.. just email if lucky.. within this one year..we practically see each other every day... :-) thinking back, really dunno how we can actually survive the whole first year without seeing each other...:-) and this wil also be my first exam without u being with me..wishing me luck every night/ morning..consoling me after each paper...luckily it is just block exam..i stil have u with me for uni.. really gonna miss u so much dear...take care ..take care n take care along the journey yea...have a safe journey to u all.....looking forward to see u at home... love..

luckiest...

Recently things din go as smoothly as i wish.. dunno whether is because of exam stress...or unneccesary fear of uncertainties and sufferings in life...having a hard time esp these few days.. but god stil loves me a lot.. by sending him to me.. Luckily i have him who listened to me all the time whenever i got stressed up ... whenever i m sad.. whenever i got angry at myself for having nonsense thoughts... with all the patience..again and again he is there for me ...though at times i already got fed-up at myself ..thanks dear.. :-) I promised i wil help myself too.. my dear is studying now..so I help him updating the blog.. tml he will be having last paper internal disease then holiday starts...all the best to the mouse n his fellow frens...:-) nitez...

almost the end..

today officially end of lectures for all 3 main subjects for 2nd year..remaining is forensic medicine and few lab sessions and revision...tiring day... 10 more days to block 4 exam...nearer and nearer..count down starts..

p/s: today my dear very charming :-)

favourite bookmark...

Friday night again...another week again coming to an end..anyway tml stil have lecture and lab to attend...

recently while choosing a present for a fren , a book mark in the gift shop attracted my attention..which give me a cheerful.. carefree feeling... love it so buy it and put on my study desk.. **SMILE ** :-)

huh..finally

Since last week, it has been raining nonstop here...hardly an hour without rain sometimes..once a year phenomenon...our beloved Dean always told us "enjoy the rain, u wont get the rain like this when u go back malaysia...Come we do rain clap!!( only batch 19 MMMC wil know this..heehe)" it is an indication for manipal-ians to start bringing umbrella/prob raincoat( useless anyway) anywhere u go..or else u gonna stuck somewhere for sure.. this sudden change of weather is really sickening..make ppl sick easily ...anyway, today got better dy..thanks my mouse for the recovery prayers ;-p
currently block 4 seems to be running at a tiring pace..today from9-4 classes with one SDL..all lecturers seem to be rushing to finish off syllabus so we have to join the marathon too..no choice..one week already over meaning 1/3 of the block is over.. ..the block 3 exam seems like just ending...but the whole cycle of new block begins again..lecs..PBL, SDL, tests..anyway deal with it!.. very soon block 4 wil come to an end...then few days study break..then block4 exam..then approx 3 weeks study break..then uni( the big monster which dreads every MMMCstudent..) It is the only monnster that can make even the laziest individual on earth to sit and study..otherwise u have to bear the consequesnces..meaning another 6 months here... ...time..money..etc. Now I just hope and pray that I m blessed with good health and clear peaceful mind all the tiem, so that i can study well and pass uni ( fingers crossed).. And, wanna wish my dear all the best for his neuroanat exam this thurs...will pray for u..kambate!