...

time for bed...
tml saturday...most prob will spend my day in the state library...
CNY hope it comes fast... hope my aunty uncle faster come KL..so i can go to kl...

yenny

Start anew...

Happy New year to all....
Today is the first day in a brand new year...a public holiday..a day to have fun and enjoy..
yet, for me, it is just like any other day...no difference..routine life...how much I wish another cousin of mine would get married this weekend, so i can go home and have a great time like last weekend...anyway..is all wishes, wishes and wishes...
Anyway I m grateful that god has been nice to me though today... A good fren of mine agreed to play squash with me early this morning... happy that my invitation did not get rejected...the whole sports complex was empty..only 2 of us and the guard.. we had a good game then we went to have breakfast together using my bicycle, chitchatting along the way.. A nice cool quiet morning with a fren...Then came back.. cleaning up the room... fell asleep..then another fren asked to go out to study...spend few hours at that place studying n talking when bored ...then went for dinner and finally came back... Will be sleeping in few more hours time...the end of the day, period.
In this new year, I would like to understand myself better, be stronger..be independent... and seek for the meaning of life..

yenny

A Teacher

Tonight suddenly i am thinking of a teacher. He isn't just a normal teacher,but in fact he's a great and inspiring teacher. He teaches and he inspires. Though he last taught me when i was in 2ndary school, somehow his voice vividly plays in my mind. Perhaps other than Chemistry and Biology, there's something else bond us , the students and the teacher together. I guess ex-Dermarians would know who's this teacher, and what bonds him and the students. Just wanna let you Sir, i will always remember you in my prayer and wish you well...

Sincerely from an ex-student of yours...

confused...

At times i really wonder wat frens meant actually...shouldn't they lend a helping hand when the other one needs it...or be a nice host in order to make the other 's person stay enjoyable...? i m just confused...probably i should just not hoping too much...

yenny

Risk Poetry Guest Author - Danielle Hollister

---

RISK TAKING IS FREE...

---

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool;
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental;
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas and your dreams
before the crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure.

But risk must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life
is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing,
has nothing and is nothing;
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they simply cannot learn,
feel change, grow, love, Live
Chained by their certitude, they are a slave,
they have forfeited freedom;
Only the person who risks is free.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

=(

Just need to vent it out!!!! my mood has been fluctuating greatly..moments ago in class while daydreaming..thanks to the bored seminar...i actually feel excited and happy thinking that this wil be the last year of separation from my dear...cant wait for next july to arrive.. the same feeling i had since i came back to malaysia..wonderful feelings...thinking of that brights up day and makes me eagerly waiting for every day to come... but within a couple of hours, due to accidentally discussed bout some old irritating issue, I become angry, feel hurt and sadness creeps in..at that moment, i feel like noone really cares for me, noone relaly bothers whether i m happy or sad...prob thats is true in real life...noone actaully cares whether u are happy or not..
sometimes i do wonder why gals gets jealous easily than the male counterpart.....
...surfing the net...then study.....life....

A long weekend gonna starts tml... Happy Diwali to all!

yenny

Just a rant

I am about to rant in this blog after such a long absence! I don't understand, i don't know how... Somehow going to gynae class, especially when the teacher teaches fully(or 99%) in Russian, i feel really exhausted, tired and hopeless. It's her good intention to prepare us for our final year government exam, perhaps it's simply too intensive for me.Sometimes i wish i can go back to the past,and rectify mistakes and fumbles i had made. But everyone knows that it's just a silly and impossible thought,as i think there are many people who have the same thought. I have gone through this far, and 9 months left before getting my degree(hopefully), and i know it's a crucial time for me to buck up for my final exams and housemanship. Gotta keep reminding myself, 'What i am facing right now, is nothing to compare with what i am gonna face in the future'. Knowing some seniors got posted to their respective hospital for housemanship, congrats to those who got their choice,and to those who didn't, cheer up, it's not the end of the world,after 2 years you are still the man(woman)! At the same time, i have to think seriously where should i apply, somewhere near to home,somewhere near to my gf? Haha..have no idea right now...

Sunday morning...

Early in the morning, junling and I and jj went to xinho for breakfast and shopping for fruits...then came back to room, bathed and gonna continue my med sdl.. Sometimes, i keep thinking...am i overly sensitive..easily get affected..i got sad whenever i feel that ppl who are important in my life get angry with me..treating me coldly..ignoring me.. probably this is not the real situation..probably I have been thinking too much..and there are other reasons behind the coldness..ignorance etc....i keep reassuring myself..i know I wont be wrong...i have confidence in myself and my loved ones... I admit that I am the typical little gal who wants to be coaxed always...I dun wish my loved ones raise their voice to me or treating my coldly..though i know sometimes is all my fault and they did that out of good intention when i do something wrong...yet i just cant help it...i got really upset...wil just drown myself and go to sleep... manytimes I hope I can make myself stronger.. no matter who scolds me, I wont give a damn bout it ..just like how i m immuned to strangers' scolding, they wont be able to affect me.. On the other hand, I dun want that to occur...i dun want to be a feeling-less person..is just too pathetic...even animals have feeling...Probably I become wat i am today because I have a very protective family esp mum & dad who wil never let me get hurt..and now is the time for their little gal to go out and experience the cruelty of life..yet whenever i m unhappy...they are always there for me and told me "dun be scared..dun bother other ppl..nothing wil happen"...Those simple words give me lots of courage..i dun even scared of anyone anymore...i stil remember the first time when i had that wonderful feeling..it was when I was 16..goin for the motorbike licensing examination back home..the instructors keep shouting at me because I am inexperienced..I got upset, embarrased , and feel like dun wanna go for further sessions and dun wanna take bike license anymore...Normally i wil just keep it to myself.. One day, I cant stand it anymore..i told my dad that person is a real idiot keep shouting at me...dad told me dun bother bout him..let him shout..just let it go in 1 ear go out another .. he cant do anything to me...then after the session go home..dun let it affect me...Since then, I dunno where i gain the courage to face those ppl... They just did not be able to affect me anymore..whenever they scold i wil start dreaming..haha...feel so puas!!
Gotta go pick up a fren from bus station then to lunch later...Sunday..weekend gonna ends soon..is just too fast... Lately, I seem to have tremendous swings of emotion...make myself suffer and hurt ppl around me also...I am very sorry ..esp to my dear who has to bear all these... I am angry at u sometimes but... wanna tell u that you still hold the only special position in my heart..Have a safe journey back home..

with love,
yenny

wish to be loved and cared always...

today after class, my squashmates all this weekend went home...in the evening Steph and i went to the malacca botanical garden..then to jusco to buy fish and durian..then steph cooked porridge for me..so nice of her...ate together.. then came back again to my own room within the 4 walls...alone...i miss my parents .. my childhood..my time at home...there are always so many ppl in lempang who never let me feel lonely..and..protecting me from getting hurt..
feeling so moody again...and unhappy...i m like losing my pillar of support..i dunno wat i want anymore..i m confused...but i dunno wat i m confused with..i m just tired..i just wanna go home and be the free little gal once upon a time.. May God provide me some guidance to lead my life meaningfully without getting affected by other ppl...

yenny

random...

"You will never hope/crave for things you never had before." It's just soo true...

~yenny~...missing home

Are you prepared to be a doctor?

Came across this post ' Are you prepared to be a doctor' by Dr.Hsu. A big thank goes to Doracrates for telling. Seriously, i have never thought of some of the questions posted by Dr.Hsu. How about you? Below are the questions :

For those who are going into medicine, ask yourself:

Is it for money you are entering the field of medicine , or is it really for the love of helping people and alleviate sufferings?

Can you be patient enough to sit there for 60 minutes listening to an old lady telling the woes of her family ? Can you be human enough to comfort her,holding her, even when she smells and stinks ?

Can you stand the chores of standing there for over 10 to 20 hours to do or assist in an operation without asking to be relieved, since chances are there would be no one to relieve you?

Can you stand working from 8am in the morning on a Saturday and finish work at 4.30pm the next Monday (that was the weekend call I personally went through)?

Are you prepared to be on call for 24/7/365 a year , if you are the only doctor in town in some of the rural areas?

Are you prepared to face SARs or Ebola patients coming to your clinic to consult you without you scooting off from the back door? (During the SARS scare, doctors carried on seeing patients like normal, even though anyone with fever could be a SARS patient and you would definitely be infected in the small confine of your consultation room if the patient that walked into your room was a SARS case)…

Are you prepared to handle excretions of patients such as stools, urine and vomitus, or physically handle a foul-smelling and maggot-infested wounds?Even if they cannot pay you?

Are you prepared to face a lifetime of learning since medical knowledge needs to be kept up to date ?

As a hypothetical question just to illustrate a point, are you prepared to treat someone who might have killed your loved ones? Medical ethics demand that you do..

If any of the answer is no, then medicine is not for you.

For full post, please read in Dr.Hsu's Forum.

blessed...

Today I feel very happy, and feel that i m blessed and lucky to have mum and dad who love me unconditionally and make sure I lead a happy life... Today, I also had a long chat with my dear after a long time...It feels really good and I am blessed to have him with me all the times. He is the pillar of strength to me at my moments of weakness when I feel helpless, alone, scared of wat wil happen tomorrow... yet he never walked away...not even a single step. Though sometimes certain life event is really harsh, without that I would have never known who really care for me and learnt how to appreciate my loved ones ..Now, I m glad that I do...Thank god for bringing him to me...

yenny

Post surgery cycle

Post surgery cycle night. Feel great to have Dennis Sergeivich as my teacher for this semester. He really brought us around to see patients, and what's important is he is among the few teachers which really emphasizes on bedside manners. Tomorrow will begin intensive therapy,which is my favorite in this semester. Anyway, today on the bus i failed to recognize a visually-impaired young man who was standing on a congested bus. Who recognized him? An old lady , who stood up and led him to an empty seat later. At that moment i just felt guilty and embarassed of myself. And i told myself, ' Be more observant next time , and you can always help someone in need'...

POTS effect

Recently 2 posts about Ukrainian and Russian medical graduates by POTS generated alot of responses from his readers, and became a hot topic among the students studying in Russian Medical Schools, as well as doctors in Malaysia. And today Palmdoc posted the same thing on MMR.
By talking to few friends, some responded with anger and curses ( like 'Anonymous' who commented in POTS's post). Some were saddened, couldn't accept the fact. Well, there are students who accepted the criticisim. At this point, while scolding and cursing at POTS, don't the students think it's time to think on what can they do, and what should they do to improve themselves? Only by accepting criticism and willing to learn , then only we can improve. Afterall, i believe POTS just voiced out his experience and opinions. Just wanna end this post with few words by a senior who graduated last year:
- 'Be humble and willing to learn' - by Dr. E.N

p/s: Before you guys bombard me, just wanna clarify that i am not related to POTS + i am also a Russian medical student,and have no intention to degrade anyone.

Happy Birthday!!

Found the presents...hehe! Love this doraemon!

Wanna wish my dear HAppy happy birthday =) ..

Have a wonderful year ahead! and stay healthy and happy!

The Young Monk Who Saved The Ants
Once upon a time in the deep mountains forest there lived an old monk and a young monk. The old monk was a great practitioner of Buddha-dharma and was frequently in deep meditation. Normally when he started meditation, it could last for half a day or one full day. In addition, during his meditation he would know what was going to happen in the future.
One day, the old monk meditated again. Suddenly he found out that his little disciple was going to pass away in eight days. Therefore the old monk called the young monk and said,
"My child, I am going to give you an eight-day holiday so that you can go home to see your mother and father."
"Really? That's very good, thank you Shifu."
In fact, lately I have been feeling quite homesick too."
"However, you must remember to come back here by the eighth day."
"Okay, Shifu, please take care of yourself. I am leaving now."
"Go home now!"
Delightedly the young monk went down the mountains, without realising that in the eyes of the old monk, there was sadness and a sense of reluctance to see him leave. After a long walk, the young monk stopped at the bank of the stream to drink some water as he was getting thirsty. Then he saw there was an ant cave in which countless ants were going into and out of it. He stayed to observe for a while with interest. When he was just about to leave,
"Oh! Why is the water level of the stream is rising? Oh no!! The ants will be drowned!!"
The reason was it had been raining upstream for a few days continuously. Therefore the water level downstream was starting to rise.
He quickly took off his cloth and he put some hard soil in it to made up a protection wall along the cave. Not only did he managed to stop water from covering the cave, but also skilfully diverted the flow of the waterto somewhere else.
Hence he saved the lives of countless ants. Eight days passed quickly. The old monk was strolling in the mountains forest sadly. Suddenly from a distance, he saw the little monk coming back upto the mountains cheerfully. Happily he asked the young monk to recount what he has done in the pass eight days while he had been away. When he pondered on this story he finally understood that because the young monk had saved the lives of countless ants this has caused his fated eight-day life expectancyto lenghten into a long and happy life.This is the merit of cultivating good deeds, however seemingly insignificant they be.

Found this inspiring story online...

~yenny~

Do not pursue the past.

Do not lose yourself in the future.

The past no longer is.

The future has not yet come.

Looking deeply at life as it is.

In the very here and now, the practitioner dwells in stability and freedom.

We must be diligent today.

To wait until tomorrow is too late.

Death comes unexpectedly.

How can we bargain with it?

The sage calls a person who knows how to dwell in mindfulness night and day,

'one who knows the better way to live alone.'

Bhaddekaratta Sutta

Still searching for the meaning in life and the secret to happiness...

~yenny~

Truth...

SPEAKING TRUTH

By Jesa MacBeth

It is possible to speak truth in anger. When so done, people tend to hear the anger and not the truth.
It is possible to speak truth in arrogance. When so done, people tend to hear the arroganceand not the truth.
It is possible to speak truth in deceitful ways. When so done, people tend to sense the deceit and take the truth for more deceit.
It is possible to speak truth in loving kindness. When so done, people tend to hear the love and the truth.
Or so it seems in my experience.

Last day of Diwali holiday...

~yenny~

Boredom, loneliness, laziness...

A tough comment from Lama Yeshe in 'Becoming Vajrasattva, the Tantric Path of Purification':
"Why are we bored, lonely and lazy? Because we don't have the will to totally open our hearts to others. If you have the strength of will to totally open your heart to others, you will eliminate laziness, selfishness and loneliness. Actually, the reason you get lonely is that you are not doing anything. If you were busy, you wouldn't have time to get lonely. Loneliness can only enter an inactive mind. If your mind is dull and your body inactive, then you get lonely. Basically, this comes from a selfish attitude, concern for yourself alone. That is the cause of loneliness, laziness and a closed heart."

~yenny~

Story from the heart

EYES
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend, who was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. She could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying - “Just take care of my eyes dear.”

Saw this story online....wonder how true can it be in reality...

~yenny~