saturday..

How i wish my sat night can be more interesting... rather than just sitting in room... however am glad that get to go out eat and chat with frens during lunch and dinner at least.. today basically just spend time sleeping... hope i continue sleeping... boring life

emptiness

Friday again.. weekend starts.. supposed to be happy.. but i m not.. This friday is so much different from last friday.. still remembered last friday , that afternoon .. i was so excited and happy and looking forward for class to end and happily walking back to hostel.. I was anticipating something over the weekend.. But today, I feel so dull, classes just dragged on.. i just sat there passively listening to watever the ppl infront gonna told..then PBL ended early, i roamed around to library, just dunno where to go, dun wish to come back to hostel facing the 4 walls, I have nothing to look forward this weekend..only knew i HAVE to go hos tml morning to clerk case.. coz endposting coming.. and i HAVE to write 2 gynae cases... at the end i went into the library to disturb KL.. then after she went to class, i have no choice but walked back to hostel.. and now me sitting in front of PC staring blankly on it.. expressing myself rather than forcing myself to swallow all in...

A great weekend...

I had spent a great time with sis and bf over the weekend in malacca.. We went to visit pekle and peknin, went to jonker... shopping.. movie.. enjoying food =) Glad to see pekle recovering well.. hope that he will be healthy back again.. and i bought a pair of shoes and hand bag(finally!) soososo happy... beloved sis bought a lot of chopsticks.. and my dear bf got himself a watch ...miss them soo much.. gotta start writing my cases.. gambate yenny!!

future

tonight just so many things cross my mind... Feel a bit moody actually.. THousand and one questions appear in my mind..... What do I want in life... what m i waiting for... should i start planning my life... how i want my life to be like in near future and ten twenty years down the lane.....do i want it to be like now...if i were to plan, wil i get upset if the plan doesnt work out.. should i jsut apply wait&see policy...etc etc etc etc// I have answers to some but not all... having headache now... wanna just dissapear in the sleep detached from reality for awhile ...

yenny

all alone...

Again the feeling of loneliness creeps in insideously... I just hate it, yet couldnt control it... It is a sign of stupid exams approaching... All i do is I try to numb myself with books... But sometimes when I come back to the room at night from library..sitting infront of laptop.. staring into it...and also into the books of course... occasionally wil scroll down my msn contacts just to see who is online...and also turn on skype and leave it there.. as if waiting for anyone maybe my cousins/ siblings wil drop me a msg... It is just so pathetic.. .I try not to stay in the room for too long... alone within the four walls swallowing the books.... I just feel not happy.. I just couldnt help it ... Many times i asked myself.. is this the life i want...the answer is no.. I swear to myself that once i passed out, i wil try my best not to return to such pathetic life again.. unless so called growing up can drill a person to stand loneliness.. I just wanna sleep... but 3 cases need to be done..I m not scared... i know no matter wat i wil have to write it by sunday all by myself alone within the 4 walls.

yenny

All the best sis!!

Wishing sis all the best in exam... wil pray for u always...dun worry and just try ur best! we all wil be here for u.. Be confident that u can do it =)

yenny

=)

He has come back home for good finally.. Has been spending a lot of quality time together for the past 2 weeks...It was great and memorable .. but somehow the happy moments in life tend to pass very fast.. weekend ends, that is when we have to say good bye again.. which i hate most...eventhough tat is only temporary goodbye .. I just miss him more and more nowadays ... Have faith that one day in life we dun have to say good bye anymore... love u darling...

yenny

help...

i could not stand it anymore.. really very stressed.. start thinking nonsense..please god clear my mind of those bad nonsense thing.. calm me down.. please calm my mind.. dunno where to read wat to read wat to cover how to read.. is like waiting for sentencing tml morning.. gotta get up at 5.45, leavinto muar... it is just an endposting, but the stress is overwhelming and affecting me so much in all aspects esp mentally .. more stress gonna come in the next 3 months.. wil i survive through it.. how bout next year.. same stress gonna reappear in final mbbs.. then in future.. more stress gonna come.. working life .. family life.. wil i be fit for it.. wil i be fit to be a good daughter, a good mother.. or should i escape and put a stop to all this.. but i have some commitments in life that force me not to give up ..keep striving til i m really fatigue... rather than making everyone unhappy, should i just remain alone and do no harm... afterall life is temporary, everyone wil return to HIM one day...cool down and dun think of anything anymore.. just let it go.. let it go.. have faith in HIM that He wil protect and assist me in life..

hurdles to clear...

every time every year i must be forced to sit for some exams b4 i m allowed to see him..why so? why must i be tortured this way again and again? i dun understand...and i wil never understand ...i just miss him so much but in order to meet him again, i must go thru the agony of exams..getting stressed ..sad.. fear of failing...and bring sorrow to everyone around esp him.. life is never a bed of roses..
i love him dearly.. though i am always sad and make him sad.. at times i decided to keep to myself at best as i could in order not to make him frustrated...love u dear

misery

haven left the room for the past 7 hours... it is all because of the stupid exams after exams...stress is building up in me tremendously..i could just cry silently... it just reminds me of manipal again... the many consecutive nights.. when uni exams were approaching.. for months...everynight when coming back from library around 11.30.. walking up the stairs alone in indira hostel.. my mind during those moments are just so fatigue ..and blank...a lil more stimulus the tears would just flow...but i dun care coz normally during those hours, only the local indians wil be studying along the corridors... but thinking back, i am glad i survived thru the 2 major uni exams there though with bad results..i dun care anymore... another 2 pending here... now is the 3rd one which is eating me up slowly and silently... sometimes ppl wil jsut tell u try ur best do ur best.. but noone ever wil sit down with u and guide u 24 hrs til the day of exam.. i know this is impossible ..it is all just dreams ..coz everyone expect u to be independent at this age.. blame the age!.. how i wish i m stil back in school having tuition teachers tell u to do this do that..u jsut need to follow..watever doubt they give u answer..they tell u how to study etc etc.. anyway again it is all in dream and fantasy world... i jsut hate being a grown-up! i just hate exams! the hatred is so much so that i dun even care whether i wil be a safe doc anymore.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to pass exam and escape from this HELLL. next mon surgery block test, wed endposting exam which i really wish to have the feeling of " i will only do wat i know, u want to shout at me, embarass me.. fail me , jsut do it, i dun care " i dun mind being shouted in wards with millions of eyes looking at me.. etc etc...but i just dun want to fail p2s1..p2s1 has become like the reason why i live at the moment..it is just so pathetic.. but the consequences of dropping batch is full of agony.... after ranting.. routines continue til i m torn apart...tonight have to continue reading again.. thanks SC for bringing me out from my room for dinner later..