Patience

"Patience, a virtue, is the capacity of enduring hardship or inconvenience emphasizes calmness, self-control, and the willingness or ability to tolerate delay. Its opposite is weakness. Let your sense of humor give you balance, perspective, poise and patience. Patience, together with Peace and Love, forms the Trinity of Compassion."

Prayers...

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

HOPE

Never Let Go Of Hope

One day you will see that it all has finally come together.

What you have always wished for has finally come to be.

You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself,
"How did I get through all of that?"

Just never let go of hope.

Just never quit dreaming.

And never let love depart from your life.

~ Jancarl Campi ~

Such poem holds me back whenever I feel like giving up...

HEART

...It is hard to numb the heart, it needs thousands of slashes... but it is going to be even harder to resensitize it back... that's when real disaster begins...

I feel like I want to just get back below the blanket =(

-yenny-

Happy New Year

Had been sick for few days... Spent the new year eve in friend's house watching movies together with a bunch of gal-friends...the next morning, went to have a walk in a park and spend sometime at the playground.. then the rest of the day and today, I just stayed in my room watching movies, listening to songs, onlining and sleeping.. However this morning enjoyed a performance by Tzu Chi organization in MITC... tomorrow gonna go to Muar again...
My New Year Wishes : Pass P2S1 and go home, families & friends in good health, darling less busy and happy always, and last but not least, I hope I will be posted to AS Gh and we have chance to at least experience daily life together and not to be separated anymore. May God provide me strength to face the challenging months to come...

yenny

first day A&E

Today everything was ok.. MO, HO, nurses and MA all are nice....although have to stand from morning till night, but I rather enjoy it... would be better if after coming back get to go sleep straight.. too bad now need to prepare the slides for common programme..anyway just do it =)... i dun feel irritated or upset today.. hope i maintain this emotion for long... tomorrow 6am gonna get up and go muar again... I should start doin my slides rather than blogging...huh

yenny

back to reality...

At the very last minute, I decided to go to Spore to spend my weekend with my siblings, cousins, niece and nephews..on the day itself I bought the tic and i left.. I just want to leave this place.. get away for sometime...to clear up my mind and lighten the heart.. I don't wish to spend this Christmas alone.. it is pathetic.. on the other hand I don't want to lose this opportunity to spend time together with my family members.. I would have slept through my weekend if i were to stay in hostel feeling sad, angry, upset, bored, hopeless, demotivated... I am glad that I made the decision to leave this place. I had an enjoyable and meaningful time in Spore... I feel like I am at home, being showered with love and care.. Most of the time, we were just spending time sitting together, eating, walking at the market, chatting, laughing, playing video games with the kids, went flying kites, picniking, playing cards, dancing... I love such family outings.. I would say my cousins and cousin-in-laws are really good in parenting...I really salute them.. I learn a lot by just observing.. I wish I could be like them.. they really put in all the efforts and together they try to bring up their children in the best way possible.. they try to provide the children a loving home and all the care and love.. despite their busy corporate schedule, they will try to spend quality time talking and listening to the child, bringing them out for outing , fly kites together with them etc etc.. On the other hand, they as parents set good example to the kids... Despite years of marriage, they are still as loving as newly-weds...Seeing this at least gives me some hope.. that all this is not impossible.. I keep telling myself one day all this is possible... I feel happy for the last 2 days... Keep telling myself to maintain that spirit... But I really can't help it.. every night after talking on the phone for a while.. and once i sit alone quietly in room, again I feel sad.. Anyone can tell me what can I do to keep myself happy and motivated? except from running away from reality... I can't avoid reality for long... Probably for the next 3 weeks of A&E posting, from 8am to 9 pm everyday, I would be too tired to sit alone.. probably is a good idea to come back to campus everyday, reach here by 10 something.. bath.. and sleep and next morning 7 am leave to muar again... Tired... haven read anything... clear up the mind and just concentrate on my books...

yenny

=(

slept whole afternoon.. 30 mins nap become 3 hours.. with bad unhappy dreams.. haih.. yet now feel so tired...so much work to do.. but don't feel like doing anything.. Christmas is around the corner.. but i don't feel the joyful atmosphere at all...
This morning while in OT, suddenly it stroke my mind that I must study hard from now in order to pass final exam in order for me to lead the life i want, not like now.. At that moment I am very energetic and told myself that must must study hard. But after coming back to room after lunch, I just feel so tired and just wanna sleep.. then upon awakening, staring at the ceiling.. confused whether what time of the day it is but i just couldn't be bothered.. forced myself to get up and do something meaningful... Here I am.. feel so not motivated and sien..Irony of life.. at one moment feel so motivated, the next feel so demotivated..
tonight have to force myself to read and prepare the slides..

yenny

acceptance...

I am still not be able to let go... let go of the desire for each other's company...the wish to be with each other at least after work... i thought i have managed to accept it and adapt to it well.. but i know i am wrong.. Once I m back to my room alone from library at night, i will be reminded of all the unhappy thoughts which i hate it soooo much.. five solid years.. every year uni exam is not just an exam for me, it is more than that...A pass is in exchange with a few days of happy memories.. even this final uni exam is no exception... unless I pass I wont be able to apply back to work and we still wont be able to spend much time together... things will still be the same. we will still be separated apart communicating through the stupid gaggets within the limited time that we have. I really hate this so much.. probably that's why i hate exams so much, it seems to be dictating my life my relationship etc etc....haih.. shall bear with it for another 9 months... I don't want to care anymore already.. tired of having exams controlling my life...
Tonight slept off few times in library although after consuming a huge cup of caffeine... should be studying for surgery presentation but poor progress.. This morning ortho clinical end posting doesn't seem to go well.. anyway hope for the best..
This Christmas weekend will most probably rotting in hostel... hibernating... I realise that recently I do start to enjoy being alone resting in room. Going to sleep soon...
Tomorrow is another brand new day.

yenny

keep going....

Tomorrow having slides presentation... i hope will be okie.. just more anxious for wednesday clinical end posting.. Keep telling myself "be strong and keep striving on..."
Dunno what to read for wednesday long case... can't really concentrate but keep trying.. so now just keep reading...nitez....

yenny