be strong...

I will be having med sessional tml morning...yet i m here wasting time...I cant concentrate...i need to talk but I have to suppress myself...i hate myself...my emotions are like in a turmoil...hate these feelings.... whether is it PMS...i dunno....i m getting very oversensitive lately...i got sad easily...it is just not convenient for me to talk...this is not the first time neither wil it be the last time...I need to talk...i need console.. i dun want to be treated coldly like a stranger...i know it is no one's fault...sometimes human gets tired..sometimes circumstanses just dun allow it..i know life is never prefect.. I have accepted it... but, I still cant control my emotions..God, assist me..give me strength to go thru all these...Pray to god...i want to be a strong gal...i want to be independent...i dun want to get affected by ppl easily....i have stil a lot to cover for tml....calm down and study....tomorrow's wil be a better day...

hope u r by my side at this moment,
yenny

missing u...

2 months have passed without me realising it....you are goin back to complete ur studies very soon.. is just too fast....really hoping that time stops temporarily...it feels like is just yesterday when I was waiting excitedly for u to come home... then after waiting for a torturing long week.. again i was so excited to meet u in melaka sentral on that particular friday evening, after almost a year we are apart.. I miss this summer a lot...longest time ever that we get to accompany each other...Have a safe journey back dear..i m goin to miss u terribly...=)

love u,
yenny

excited!

Couldnt wait for next week!!..never been to any water park b4...this will be my first time to Bukit Merah Laketown Resort...so soo sooo happy..hehe...
gotta prepare for my PBL now...concentrate and study study hard now...then go for holiday!

yenny

determination...

Tml wil be my last posting in semester 6..medicine..hopefully can proceed to next sem succesfully..tml wil be getting Dr Anoop for our clinic's session..we all like him a lot..a young smart charismatic doctor..who can deliver his class very well...I like the way he speaks..full with confidence...
I need to get back my confidence, my determination, and discipline...life is indeed tough..

yenny

Sunday morning...

Early in the morning, junling and I and jj went to xinho for breakfast and shopping for fruits...then came back to room, bathed and gonna continue my med sdl.. Sometimes, i keep thinking...am i overly sensitive..easily get affected..i got sad whenever i feel that ppl who are important in my life get angry with me..treating me coldly..ignoring me.. probably this is not the real situation..probably I have been thinking too much..and there are other reasons behind the coldness..ignorance etc....i keep reassuring myself..i know I wont be wrong...i have confidence in myself and my loved ones... I admit that I am the typical little gal who wants to be coaxed always...I dun wish my loved ones raise their voice to me or treating my coldly..though i know sometimes is all my fault and they did that out of good intention when i do something wrong...yet i just cant help it...i got really upset...wil just drown myself and go to sleep... manytimes I hope I can make myself stronger.. no matter who scolds me, I wont give a damn bout it ..just like how i m immuned to strangers' scolding, they wont be able to affect me.. On the other hand, I dun want that to occur...i dun want to be a feeling-less person..is just too pathetic...even animals have feeling...Probably I become wat i am today because I have a very protective family esp mum & dad who wil never let me get hurt..and now is the time for their little gal to go out and experience the cruelty of life..yet whenever i m unhappy...they are always there for me and told me "dun be scared..dun bother other ppl..nothing wil happen"...Those simple words give me lots of courage..i dun even scared of anyone anymore...i stil remember the first time when i had that wonderful feeling..it was when I was 16..goin for the motorbike licensing examination back home..the instructors keep shouting at me because I am inexperienced..I got upset, embarrased , and feel like dun wanna go for further sessions and dun wanna take bike license anymore...Normally i wil just keep it to myself.. One day, I cant stand it anymore..i told my dad that person is a real idiot keep shouting at me...dad told me dun bother bout him..let him shout..just let it go in 1 ear go out another .. he cant do anything to me...then after the session go home..dun let it affect me...Since then, I dunno where i gain the courage to face those ppl... They just did not be able to affect me anymore..whenever they scold i wil start dreaming..haha...feel so puas!!
Gotta go pick up a fren from bus station then to lunch later...Sunday..weekend gonna ends soon..is just too fast... Lately, I seem to have tremendous swings of emotion...make myself suffer and hurt ppl around me also...I am very sorry ..esp to my dear who has to bear all these... I am angry at u sometimes but... wanna tell u that you still hold the only special position in my heart..Have a safe journey back home..

with love,
yenny

saturday morning...

Raining heavily...waiting for it to stop so that we can cycle out to xinho...
another brand new day..study hard and be happy =)

yenny

wish to be loved and cared always...

today after class, my squashmates all this weekend went home...in the evening Steph and i went to the malacca botanical garden..then to jusco to buy fish and durian..then steph cooked porridge for me..so nice of her...ate together.. then came back again to my own room within the 4 walls...alone...i miss my parents .. my childhood..my time at home...there are always so many ppl in lempang who never let me feel lonely..and..protecting me from getting hurt..
feeling so moody again...and unhappy...i m like losing my pillar of support..i dunno wat i want anymore..i m confused...but i dunno wat i m confused with..i m just tired..i just wanna go home and be the free little gal once upon a time.. May God provide me some guidance to lead my life meaningfully without getting affected by other ppl...

yenny

random...

"You will never hope/crave for things you never had before." It's just soo true...

~yenny~...missing home

wonderful memories...

For the past 10 days, i have been having a great time with my dear and my family.... feel sad to come back to lonely dull routine life again... Those sweet memories will etch forever in my heart... is time to go back to the books again... jiayou and be strong to both of us! May god bless and assist us along the way... hope, pray & work together for the future that we are always looking forward to ... =)
yenny

My 1st Time

Imagine you are touching a beating heart, pulsating aorta, and all other organs in thorax and abdomen, how would you feel? Few days back,while i was having my oncology cycle, my teacher brought us to observe an operation by the head of department. In the OT, there was a patient with a large stomach cancer, and the surgeons were going to perform total gastrectomy and lower oesophageal resection due to malignant infiltration ,and then oesophagojejunal anastomosis. In the midst of operation, the head surgeon suddenly asked if anyone is interested in palpating the tumour. Spontaneously i raised my hand ,followed by another friend. After changing and waiting anxiously, finally the moment arrived. The head surgeon was so nice by showing us every organ in the thorax and abdomen, heart, lung, stoamch, liver, spleen.... Adrenaline rush , that's what i could use to explain how i felt that time. Felt the rhythm of a beating heart, pulsating aorta, a stomach tumour... Guess what, after that, my teacher jokingly asked me if i changed my mind to pursue my career in surgical field , as i told him during our 1st class that i m interested in internal medicine. Well, after this experience, i guess i have another option in my mind :-D.