wonderful saturday morning...

Had a great night yesterday with frens....just had dinner together...chatting..watching movie on laptop...making fun of each other.. laughing..hanging around at fren's house til midnight...came back..sleep...
This morning, as usual, cycled for breakfast with my loyal breakfast mates...walked around the stalls...then came back..did my laundry....and shall start studying now... Looking at the ENT books, feel like wanna vomit...but no choice..having viva this coming fri..i wont want to fail...so shut my mouth and force myself to study...
May God provide me strength to keep moving on...

yenny

weekends here...

Came back from class... on fri evenings....sometimes i feel really excited but sometimes i feel kinda lost everytime i step into the room after class on fri evening ...I feel excited whenever i have plans waiting for me over the weekend..either taking bus back to hometown.. or just merely taking bus to kl to see my sis..hanging around..watching movies..eating... doin something different.. or just some dinners or meetings with frens... or joining some group activities visiting places/ joining some voluntary activities..any outings...or helping out in any activities etc.... But too bad, many at times , i know i need to study which is my priority at this point of time...i cant socialize too much..i dun have the "capability" to devote too much time in non-academic activities......prob i m a slow learner.. there are just too much work piled up for me which needs to be settled over the weekend ...i would like to just avoid and ignore it and do things that i probably like more.. to relax....but i know that is not the solution...running away is never an option. ..those end of posting exam, P2 S1 exam, final exam....scary professors and lecturers...dun want to be looked down upon..dun want to be humiliated...most importantly i dun want to harm patients in future... all these make me sit back on my desk and open the books...So, i would just accept that..no choice..I have chosen this path..I never regret though...i m still very clear of why i chose med but at times rantings..complains..sighings will be there... i need to study...be independent...be strong...esp mentally... dun ever depend on others.. ..prob if i m staying at home, i wont feel so bored and lost...i miss those times when every night after studying ...parents will bring us out for supper...there is always something for us to look forward to...last time i have taken all these for granted...but now i realise i should appreciate all those moments...but now..staying away from home...after u study days after days..who cares whether u are tired..u r hungry etc..noone will ask u whether u want to eat this or ask u whether u want to drink something.....Many wil think i m a over- pampered kid....I would just say i have great parents.. i know myself that life is no longer a bed of roses.. i have to grow up.. and i m growing up...by knowing the cruelties of life.. But at the same time, I remind myself to appreciate those small little things around me...the ppl esp.. Tend to get upset and feel down and lost when alone... trying hard to overcome that... Now....nothing really interesting in my life... ....exam period..study...when alone and really bored and lost....study.....study , study and study..huh!which i think slowly i have used it to numb myself...Really want to tell my mum and dad that i love u all... shall stop ranting....relax...pull myself back up and keep fighting... just got a msg from a fren inviting for dinner...feel better now =)

yenny

tired...

It has come to the end of first week of ENT posting.... sometimes quite bored coz did not get to go to hospital yet.. Still, i feel so tired... This morning had skills session, practising among ourselves...was fun..get to laugh, tease and joke with each other... Back to the room...alone.. feel sleepy... couldnt wait to leave for KL later in the evening to meet my aunt&uncle, sis, and cousins..hopefully i will be rejuvenated over the weekend.. hopefully i wil get the family-love that i need it most... How I wish i will be pampered, protected, be given all the attention, care, concern etc etc like a baby and will never be hurt... But, that will never come true again.. you will only be a baby once in ur life...supposed to pack..but feel tired...probably i shall just lie and sleep, leaving this worrisome reality world for a moment ..back to my own comfort zone... where noone wil judge you...

yenny

...

time for bed...
tml saturday...most prob will spend my day in the state library...
CNY hope it comes fast... hope my aunty uncle faster come KL..so i can go to kl...

yenny

Start anew...

Happy New year to all....
Today is the first day in a brand new year...a public holiday..a day to have fun and enjoy..
yet, for me, it is just like any other day...no difference..routine life...how much I wish another cousin of mine would get married this weekend, so i can go home and have a great time like last weekend...anyway..is all wishes, wishes and wishes...
Anyway I m grateful that god has been nice to me though today... A good fren of mine agreed to play squash with me early this morning... happy that my invitation did not get rejected...the whole sports complex was empty..only 2 of us and the guard.. we had a good game then we went to have breakfast together using my bicycle, chitchatting along the way.. A nice cool quiet morning with a fren...Then came back.. cleaning up the room... fell asleep..then another fren asked to go out to study...spend few hours at that place studying n talking when bored ...then went for dinner and finally came back... Will be sleeping in few more hours time...the end of the day, period.
In this new year, I would like to understand myself better, be stronger..be independent... and seek for the meaning of life..

yenny