help...

i could not stand it anymore.. really very stressed.. start thinking nonsense..please god clear my mind of those bad nonsense thing.. calm me down.. please calm my mind.. dunno where to read wat to read wat to cover how to read.. is like waiting for sentencing tml morning.. gotta get up at 5.45, leavinto muar... it is just an endposting, but the stress is overwhelming and affecting me so much in all aspects esp mentally .. more stress gonna come in the next 3 months.. wil i survive through it.. how bout next year.. same stress gonna reappear in final mbbs.. then in future.. more stress gonna come.. working life .. family life.. wil i be fit for it.. wil i be fit to be a good daughter, a good mother.. or should i escape and put a stop to all this.. but i have some commitments in life that force me not to give up ..keep striving til i m really fatigue... rather than making everyone unhappy, should i just remain alone and do no harm... afterall life is temporary, everyone wil return to HIM one day...cool down and dun think of anything anymore.. just let it go.. let it go.. have faith in HIM that He wil protect and assist me in life..

hurdles to clear...

every time every year i must be forced to sit for some exams b4 i m allowed to see him..why so? why must i be tortured this way again and again? i dun understand...and i wil never understand ...i just miss him so much but in order to meet him again, i must go thru the agony of exams..getting stressed ..sad.. fear of failing...and bring sorrow to everyone around esp him.. life is never a bed of roses..
i love him dearly.. though i am always sad and make him sad.. at times i decided to keep to myself at best as i could in order not to make him frustrated...love u dear

misery

haven left the room for the past 7 hours... it is all because of the stupid exams after exams...stress is building up in me tremendously..i could just cry silently... it just reminds me of manipal again... the many consecutive nights.. when uni exams were approaching.. for months...everynight when coming back from library around 11.30.. walking up the stairs alone in indira hostel.. my mind during those moments are just so fatigue ..and blank...a lil more stimulus the tears would just flow...but i dun care coz normally during those hours, only the local indians wil be studying along the corridors... but thinking back, i am glad i survived thru the 2 major uni exams there though with bad results..i dun care anymore... another 2 pending here... now is the 3rd one which is eating me up slowly and silently... sometimes ppl wil jsut tell u try ur best do ur best.. but noone ever wil sit down with u and guide u 24 hrs til the day of exam.. i know this is impossible ..it is all just dreams ..coz everyone expect u to be independent at this age.. blame the age!.. how i wish i m stil back in school having tuition teachers tell u to do this do that..u jsut need to follow..watever doubt they give u answer..they tell u how to study etc etc.. anyway again it is all in dream and fantasy world... i jsut hate being a grown-up! i just hate exams! the hatred is so much so that i dun even care whether i wil be a safe doc anymore.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to pass exam and escape from this HELLL. next mon surgery block test, wed endposting exam which i really wish to have the feeling of " i will only do wat i know, u want to shout at me, embarass me.. fail me , jsut do it, i dun care " i dun mind being shouted in wards with millions of eyes looking at me.. etc etc...but i just dun want to fail p2s1..p2s1 has become like the reason why i live at the moment..it is just so pathetic.. but the consequences of dropping batch is full of agony.... after ranting.. routines continue til i m torn apart...tonight have to continue reading again.. thanks SC for bringing me out from my room for dinner later..