weekends here...

Came back from class... on fri evenings....sometimes i feel really excited but sometimes i feel kinda lost everytime i step into the room after class on fri evening ...I feel excited whenever i have plans waiting for me over the weekend..either taking bus back to hometown.. or just merely taking bus to kl to see my sis..hanging around..watching movies..eating... doin something different.. or just some dinners or meetings with frens... or joining some group activities visiting places/ joining some voluntary activities..any outings...or helping out in any activities etc.... But too bad, many at times , i know i need to study which is my priority at this point of time...i cant socialize too much..i dun have the "capability" to devote too much time in non-academic activities......prob i m a slow learner.. there are just too much work piled up for me which needs to be settled over the weekend ...i would like to just avoid and ignore it and do things that i probably like more.. to relax....but i know that is not the solution...running away is never an option. ..those end of posting exam, P2 S1 exam, final exam....scary professors and lecturers...dun want to be looked down upon..dun want to be humiliated...most importantly i dun want to harm patients in future... all these make me sit back on my desk and open the books...So, i would just accept that..no choice..I have chosen this path..I never regret though...i m still very clear of why i chose med but at times rantings..complains..sighings will be there... i need to study...be independent...be strong...esp mentally... dun ever depend on others.. ..prob if i m staying at home, i wont feel so bored and lost...i miss those times when every night after studying ...parents will bring us out for supper...there is always something for us to look forward to...last time i have taken all these for granted...but now i realise i should appreciate all those moments...but now..staying away from home...after u study days after days..who cares whether u are tired..u r hungry etc..noone will ask u whether u want to eat this or ask u whether u want to drink something.....Many wil think i m a over- pampered kid....I would just say i have great parents.. i know myself that life is no longer a bed of roses.. i have to grow up.. and i m growing up...by knowing the cruelties of life.. But at the same time, I remind myself to appreciate those small little things around me...the ppl esp.. Tend to get upset and feel down and lost when alone... trying hard to overcome that... Now....nothing really interesting in my life... ....exam period..study...when alone and really bored and lost....study.....study , study and study..huh!which i think slowly i have used it to numb myself...Really want to tell my mum and dad that i love u all... shall stop ranting....relax...pull myself back up and keep fighting... just got a msg from a fren inviting for dinner...feel better now =)

yenny