back to reality...

At the very last minute, I decided to go to Spore to spend my weekend with my siblings, cousins, niece and nephews..on the day itself I bought the tic and i left.. I just want to leave this place.. get away for sometime...to clear up my mind and lighten the heart.. I don't wish to spend this Christmas alone.. it is pathetic.. on the other hand I don't want to lose this opportunity to spend time together with my family members.. I would have slept through my weekend if i were to stay in hostel feeling sad, angry, upset, bored, hopeless, demotivated... I am glad that I made the decision to leave this place. I had an enjoyable and meaningful time in Spore... I feel like I am at home, being showered with love and care.. Most of the time, we were just spending time sitting together, eating, walking at the market, chatting, laughing, playing video games with the kids, went flying kites, picniking, playing cards, dancing... I love such family outings.. I would say my cousins and cousin-in-laws are really good in parenting...I really salute them.. I learn a lot by just observing.. I wish I could be like them.. they really put in all the efforts and together they try to bring up their children in the best way possible.. they try to provide the children a loving home and all the care and love.. despite their busy corporate schedule, they will try to spend quality time talking and listening to the child, bringing them out for outing , fly kites together with them etc etc.. On the other hand, they as parents set good example to the kids... Despite years of marriage, they are still as loving as newly-weds...Seeing this at least gives me some hope.. that all this is not impossible.. I keep telling myself one day all this is possible... I feel happy for the last 2 days... Keep telling myself to maintain that spirit... But I really can't help it.. every night after talking on the phone for a while.. and once i sit alone quietly in room, again I feel sad.. Anyone can tell me what can I do to keep myself happy and motivated? except from running away from reality... I can't avoid reality for long... Probably for the next 3 weeks of A&E posting, from 8am to 9 pm everyday, I would be too tired to sit alone.. probably is a good idea to come back to campus everyday, reach here by 10 something.. bath.. and sleep and next morning 7 am leave to muar again... Tired... haven read anything... clear up the mind and just concentrate on my books...

yenny