to ventilate...

just came back from library... supposed to continue reading psychiatry for tomorrow end posting... but the heart feels so congested til i could hardly breathe.. couldn't be bothered anymore about tomorrow test.. i need to vent it out.. but no souls around... within the four walls...i could only pen it down in words.. and the mind feels so numb.. have been controlling the emotion the whole night..for the past few days.. for the past one week.. it is tiring.. but i have no choice.. i know it is going to be worst if i let the mood "devil" take a roller coaster ride within me.. everyone expects rational.. understanding.. patience.. independence and rational again.. I would say i have become an emotionless person again at this point of time.. But this tough period of time again have forced me to think deeply about many things in my life... issues like what i really want in life..in relationship...certain important decisions in life.. advantages and disadvantages etc again resurfaced...is it a committed stable relationship till death do us apart.. with a sense of security that i m looking for.. ... or freedom.... or just puppy love with just mere promises... .. Again and again i was reminded tat maintaining a relationship is not easy and life is not always going to be how u want it to be... many at times, it will go against u, u need to abide to family members and culture.. at the end of the day I knew many things are out of my control and I have learnt to just be patient and flow with time... let the time take charge.. and pray to god and let nature take its course.. I have slowly surrendered my life to destiny...
Shall continue to read so that wont fail tomorrow...
thanks Jennie for accompanying me whole night in library...

yenny